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condescending wonka

footysphere:

Naughty Wayne Rooney
via the excellent foospaper - fantastic footy cartoons

footysphere:

Naughty Wayne Rooney

via the excellent foospaper - fantastic footy cartoons

Nice play on 60s Kitsch…

Nice play on 60s Kitsch…

(via yummyummybiscuits-deactivated20)

why i hate ‘ne-yo’

First of all, who names themselves after an antiquated salutation, I mean didn’t ‘yo’ go out with backwards baseball caps and four-wheeled roller-skates? He could have quite easily spelled his name ‘Neo’ and merely been accused of taking inspiration from the Matrix, which is a lot better than looking like a complete tosser, desperately scrabbling for credibility and failing. The way he spells his name is about as cool as someone who chooses to spell ‘mate’, ‘m8’.

 

Second, his music is fucking awful, (click here for a critique of Miss Independent) take the latest single he’s collaborated on; ‘Give Me Everything’. Not being a strong enough performer to stand alone on a record these days, he enlists the help of not one, not two, but three other acts, Pitbull (painfully stereotyped ‘esse’), Nayer (backing singer doomed to anonymity) and Afrojack (promising electronic act), but they are collectively powerless to haul this whimpering squib of a composition from the doldrums.

 

The song begins with ‘rapper’ Pitbull, kicks off proceedings by violating the age-old rules of the rhyming couplet, simply repeating a word rather than going to the effort of selecting a phonetic parallel;

 

'Me not working hard?

Yeah right, picture that with a Kodak

Or better yet, go to Times Square

Take a picture of me with a Kodak’

 

What does this even mean? It reads like the transcript of an inpatient’s inane, delirious ramblings after being doped up on morphine.

 

He goes on to drop an absolute clanger of a photography pun, which will ironically be lost on the digital generation, or, the target market. Ill thought out.

 

'Took my life from negative to positive

I just want ya’ll to know that

But for tonight let’s enjoy life

Pitbull, Nayer, Ne-Yo, Teresa’ (Who?!)

 

For the remainder of the song. Ne-Yo dribbles on about how we should all make a real effort to approach hot women clubs, just incase the world ends tomorrow, without going into any real detail on how to go about this.

 

'Tonight, I will love love you tonight

Give me everything tonight

For all we know, we might not get tomorrow

Let’s do it tonight

 

Grab somebody sexy tell ‘em hey

Give me everything tonight

Give me everything tonight

Give me everything tonight’

 

Sound advice Mr.Yo, and it might work for you in your make believe dream world, but in the real world, the world, simply grabbing someone, especially someone ‘sexy’ could land you up with an extended sentence, or at best a slap round the chops.

 

Any other reasons I hate this guy? Well yes, he prances around in his silly hat and ‘du-rag’ as if he’s some sort of modern day Michael Jackson, but he does about as good as job of taking the baton from the king of pop as an arm-less 4x100 relay runner.

 

You would also expect that, with such a penchant for decorative headwear, his approach to wooing the opposite sex would involve a subtle doth of said cap in the general direction of the object of his affections, until you learn that without this essential accessory, Mr. Yo resembles what can only be described as the most disturbing take on Humpty-Dumpty to date. Fail.